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Games People Play. Psychology of human relationships
GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
The Psychology of Human Relationships
© 1964 by Eric Berne.
Copyright renewed 1992 by Ellen Berne, Eric Berne, Peter Berne and Terence Berne. This translation published by arrangement with Random House, an imprint of Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc.
Translation from English A. Gruzberg
Psychology of communication
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A classic of business literature, the world's bestseller and the best book on influence! Master the art of persuasion and achieve your goals anytime, anywhere. Psychology professor and renowned influencer Robert Cialdini discusses 6 universal tricks that will make you a real persuader.
Foreword
This book was originally conceived as a continuation of my work Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy, but I hope that it can still be read and understood without being familiar with the previous publication. The first part outlines the theory needed to analyze and understand games. Part two contains descriptions of the games. The third part presents new clinical and theoretical material that allows us to expand our understanding of what it means to be free from games.Those who will interest more detailed information can refer to the above work. The reader of both books will notice that in addition to new theoretical information, the terminology and point of view, which was the result of further reflection, reading and new clinical materials was changed.
Students and listeners of my lectures often asked me to dictate a list of games or Read more consider those games that are mentioned in lectures as an example. It convinced me to write this book as needed. I thank all students and all the listeners, especially those who have paid my attention and helped to allocate and call new games.
For brevity of the game, they are described mainly from a male point of view, unless they are specifically female. Thus, the main player is called "he", but I do not invest any prejudice into it, since the same situation can be attributed to "her", unless a special reservation is made. If a female role is significantly different from male, it is described separately. In the same way, I usually call the psychotherapist "he" without any rear thoughts. Terminology and method of presentation are focused mainly on the prepared reader, but I hope that the book will seem interesting and useful to everyone.
Transactional analysis of games should be distinguished from its younger scientific "brother" – mathematical analysis of games, although some of the terms used below, for example, "winnings" are recognized as mathematicians.
Introduction
Communication process
The theory of communication between people is sufficiently detailed in the "transactional analysis", you can briefly reduce the following provisions.
It has been established that babies, for a long time, devoid of physical contact with people, irreversibly degraded and eventually die from one or another incurable disease. In essence, it means that the phenomenon that specialists call emotional deprivation May have a deadly outcome. These observations led to the idea of Touch hunger And confirmed that the best medications from the lack of sensory stimuli are a different type of touch, stroking, etc., which, however, is known to almost all parents from their own everyday communication with babies.
A similar phenomenon is also observed in adults subjected to sensory deprivation. It has been experimentally proven that such deprivation may cause a short-term mental disorder or at least cause temporary deviations in the psyche. In the past, social and sensory deprivation was manifested mainly in prisoners sentenced to long-term timing of a single conclusion. Indeed, a single conclusion is the hardest punishment that the criminals prone to physical violence are afraid of the physical violence.
It is possible that in physiological terms, emotional and sensory deprivation causes or strengthens organic changes. If the reticular activating brain system does not receive sufficient incentives, degenerative changes of nerve cells may follow. This may also be a side effect of insufficient nutrition, but the bad nutrition itself can be a consequence of apathy. As if the baby flows into senile insanity. Thus, it can be assumed that there is a straight road from emotional and sensory deprivation – through apathy and degenerative changes – to death. In this sense, sensory starvation can be a matter of life and death in the same way as deprivation of his food.
Indeed, not only biologically, but also psychologically and socially sensory starvation in many ways is similar to the usual hunger. Terms such as "malnutrition", "saturation", "Gourmet", "folding in food", "Asketh", "culinary art" and "good cook" can easily be transferred from the sphere of saturation in the sphere of sensations. Overeating, in fact, the same thing is that excessive stimulation. And in that and in another case, under normal conditions, a person has enough supplies and capabilities to make a varied menu; The choice is determined by personal taste. It is possible that our tastes are based on their own features of our body, but the problems under consideration it is not related.
A social psychologist who studies the problem of communication is interested in what is happening with the child after he grows up and is naturally distinguished from the mother. Everything that science can say on this score can be reduced to "folk wisdom": "If you are not stroked on the head, you have a spinal cord dries." After a short period of proximity to the mother, the rest of the life of the individual should wander between two lights, trying to comprehend the paths that their fate and self-preservation instinct lead. On the one hand, he will constantly face social, psychological and biological forces, factors that do not give it to continue their previous relations, so attractive in infancy; On the other hand, it is constantly striving for lost proximity. Most often, he will have to compromise. We'll have to learn to deal with barely catchy, sometimes only with symbolic forms of physical intimacy: the handshake, sometimes just a polite bow – although the congenital desire for physical contact will never disappear.
The process of achieving a compromise can be called differently, for example sublimation But, no matter how you call, you still ultimately infant touch hunger transforms into The need for recognition. The farther the person is promoted by indirectly by compromise, the individual requests from the part of recognition, and it is these differences in requests inquiries lead to a variety of types of social communication and ultimately determine the fate of the individual.The film actor may need weekly hundreds of "strokes" from anonymous and indifferent fans to him so that its "spinal brain is not drying," while a scientist is just one stroking per year from a respected and authoritative colleague.
"Stroking" can be used as a general term to designate physical contact; In practice, it can acquire a variety of forms. Some literally smooth the child, others hug it or pat, finally, the third playfully split or tighten. And in conversation adults, something similar happens to each other, so, probably, you can predict how a person will caress the child if you listen to how he says. In a broader sense, "stroking" one can designate any act of recognition of the presence of another person. Thus, stroke Can be considered a single social action unit. Exchange stroking is transaction The unit of social communication.
According to the theory of games, you can formulate the following principle: any social communication is preferable to the absence of communication. Experiments on rats confirmed this; The presence of contact is beneficially reflected not only on the physical, mental and emotional state of rats, but also on their biochemical indicators, up to the degree of resistance to the body of leukemia. Experiments led to a striking conclusion: soft stroking and painful electrical shock are equally beneficial on the health of animals.
By expressing these preliminary comments, we can confidently go to the next section.
Ordering time
It can be considered proven that physical contacts for babies and their symbolic replacement, recognition, for adults is vital. The question is what happens later. Simply put people do, exchanging greetings? And it does not matter whether it will be thrown on the go "Hi!" Or oriental welcome ceremony, which can stretch for long hours. After sensory hunger and "recognizable starvation" comes a turn of hunger on ordering. The eternal question of a teenager: "Well, what will I tell him (her) then?" Yes, and most adults feel not in their plate, when communication suddenly interrupts, an awkward pause occurs, the period disordered time when none of those present finds anything more interesting than notice: "It doesn't seem to you that tonight the walls are perpendicular?" Eternal human problem – how to organize wakeful hours. From the point of view of eternity, our favorable social life is justified at least because it helps us to cope with it.
When we proceed to solving the problem of ordering time, we in some sense are engaged in programming. There are three main types of programs: material, social and individual.The film actor may need weekly hundreds of "strokes" from anonymous and indifferent fans to him so that its "spinal brain is not drying," while a scientist is just one stroking per year from a respected and authoritative colleague.
"Stroking" can be used as a general term to designate physical contact; In practice, it can acquire a variety of forms. Some literally smooth the child, others hug it or pat, finally, the third playfully split or tighten. And in conversation adults, something similar happens to each other, so, probably, you can predict how a person will caress the child if you listen to how he says. In a broader sense, "stroking" one can designate any act of recognition of the presence of another person. Thus,
stroke Can be considered a single social action unit. Exchange stroking is transaction
The unit of social communication. According to the theory of games, you can formulate the following principle: any social communication is preferable to the absence of communication. Experiments on rats confirmed this; The presence of contact is beneficially reflected not only on the physical, mental and emotional state of rats, but also on their biochemical indicators, up to the degree of resistance to the body of leukemia. Experiments led to a striking conclusion: soft stroking and painful electrical shock are equally beneficial on the health of animals.By expressing these preliminary comments, we can confidently go to the next section. Ordering timeIt can be considered proven that physical contacts for babies and their symbolic replacement, recognition, for adults is vital. The question is what happens later. Simply put people do, exchanging greetings? And it does not matter whether it will be thrown on the go "Hi!" Or oriental welcome ceremony, which can stretch for long hours. After sensory hunger and "recognizable starvation" comes a turn of hunger on
ordering.
The eternal question of a teenager: "Well, what will I tell him (her) then?" Yes, and most adults feel not in their plate, when communication suddenly interrupts, an awkward pause occurs, the period
disordered
